


The Stars Ain't Crossed (Why Align Them)

by summertimesoldier



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Transphobia, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Steve, we'll see what happens when we get to the 21st century
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-10 00:04:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11679876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summertimesoldier/pseuds/summertimesoldier
Summary: “So where is the little guy from, actually?”Steve’s breath caught in his chest. There was one more thing Steve had lied about on his registration form. He lied about it most of the time. He had even lied to Bucky about it, until Bucky walked in on him in that bathroom. But unlike everyone else, Bucky didn’t care when he found out. If anything, Bucky and Steve became closer because of it. Only his mom and Bucky had ever known, and Steve was very careful to make sure it stayed that way.





	1. Chapter 1: One More Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “Here and Heaven” by Chris Thile (with Yo Yo Ma, Edgar Meyer, Stuart Duncan & Aoife O’Donovan)  
> Lots of internalized transphobia and also Steve doesn't have the words to express what he's going through, so words are not used right  
> also please be kind this is my first fic ever

“So where is the little guy from, actually?”

Steve’s breath catches in his chest. There was one more thing Steve had lied about on his registration form. He lied about it most of the time. He had even lied to Bucky about it until Bucky walked in on him in that bathroom. But unlike everyone else, Bucky didn’t care when he found out. If anything, Bucky and Steve became closer because of it. Only his mom and Bucky had ever known, and Steve was very careful to make sure it stayed that way.

Technically he hadn’t even lied. They just assumed he was a guy since he was trying to enlist and all. His chest was small enough and he pitched his voice low enough that people just assumed he had some baby fat and a higher voice for a guy. He already had so many ailments, assuming that puberty didn’t hit him that hard wasn’t usually much of a stretch. And it really wasn’t because puberty _didn't_ hit him very hard so he was lucky enough to have a small enough chest that no one suspected the truth about him. He had hoped it would let him pass the first parts of the exam, but it seemed like, once again his fucking asthma had stopped him from even having a chance.

So now, he just said “Brooklyn,” knowing Dr. Erskine would find out soon enough and he’d be kicked out yet again. Instead of asking any more questions, Erskine stamped his form and handed it to him. Steve opened it and stared at the 1A, knowing it wouldn’t last. He steeled himself, forcing his own, inevitable decline.

“Dr. Erskine, there’s something you should know.”

“What is it, little guy?”

“Um, could we talk in private?”

“Why? Are you having second thoughts? You don’t seem like the type to back down, Steven.”

“No, Dr. Erskine, I just need to make sure you’re not.”

The doctor raised a single eyebrow, “Steven —”

“Could we talk in private? Please?”

The doctor’s eyebrows furrowed, and Steve got ready to ruin everything. There was no way he’d recover from this; no way that he’d be let into the army once they knew the truth. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears as Erskine simply nodded, turning back to the curtained-off area where they had met.

The doctor gently closed the curtain behind them, looking at Steve expectantly. Steve opened his mouth, and suddenly he couldn’t talk. He swallowed, took a deep breath.

“I’m actually a girl. Or I’m not. But people think I am. I’m sorry, I’ll just —”

He was interrupted by a friendly hand on his shoulder. “Steven, if you think you were chosen for what you are on the outside, you’d be... misled, to say the least. I’d advise you keep this between us and —”

The doctor paused. Steve was ready for his world to fall apart. Despite the doctor’s seeming nonchalance about the whole affair, Steve knew he wasn’t natural, wasn’t normal. Bucky and his mom had only accepted him because they had to love him — they were family. But this was a stranger.

The doctor continued, not noticing Steve’s world imploding as he spoke.

“— I think, if everything goes to plan, there’s a chance you’ll be very happy…”

Steve just blinked at him. He knew he was supposed to say something but nothing would come out.

“Steven?”

“Yeah — Yes. Thank you, doctor. I can’t tell you how —”

The doctor cut him off with a wave of his hand, opening the curtain once more, walking out with a,“Congratulations, soldier,” to Steve over his shoulder.

Steve couldn’t move. He stared at the _A1_ on the form. His world hadn’t ended. Instead, he had one more person on his team. Not that he had anyone left on his team before, what with Bucky gone and his mother buried. Now there was one whole other person in New York fighting with him for Steven Grant Rogers.

~~~

Steve quickly learned that that was painfully accurate. Exactly one other person was willing to look out for him. None of the other guys were interested in giving him the time of day; they certainly weren’t about to commit treason for him.

They’re all standing in a line when she walks in, hair perfectly done, devastating in her military greens. This is what Steve should be. What he might’ve been if he wasn’t so messed up in every way possible. As she, with good reason, punches one of the recruits in the face, he wants nothing more than to be like her, to be normal, to be unafraid of anything. But he is the way he is. Fucked up in every way imaginable.

This doesn’t help during their training. He struggles through exercises the others breeze through and, as the runt of the team, is often sabotaged in more difficult ones. But he fights through it — not to prove anything but because he knows he’ll never have this chance again. He should be fighting for his country, and if pushing through the pain and the sweat and a couple almost asthma attacks is going to make it happen, then that’s what he’ll do. He’s no better — if not a thousand times worse — than any of the other men training, so he’s ready to do anything to fight for his country. But the longer the training goes on, he begins to doubt that he really is all that much worse than the rest of them. They’re going to to be making a super-soldier, right? Why should it matter how far he can run _before_ it happens?

From what he can tell, he’s passing all of the non-physical tests. From getting the flag down from its pole to the final test, jumping on that grenade, he starts to think he might actually be the one they choose.

When he finds out he is, it doesn’t really feel real to him. Not only is he not too sure about why, even after his talk with Erskine, but he doesn’t really know what’s going to happen. Erskine said it would “amplify whatever’s inside” of him. What does that even mean, on a practical level? He’s not like Schmidt. He’s not like any of the other guys who were almost chosen. He’s a _girl_. What would the serum do with that? Was he going to lose everything that made it easier for him to live in this stupid body in the first place?

They said the serum was going to give him a perfect body. But if it was a woman’s body, he didn’t know what he’d do. He didn’t know what Erskine would do. He’d be ruined. There’d be no way to argue he didn’t know the truth about Steve, no way to not be the man who wasted millions of dollars on a _girl_ . Not like some other girl couldn’t’a worked out. Steve was pretty sure if Peggy Carter got this serum the war would be over in a matter of days. She was a force of nature. Steve tried to hate her — she was everything he couldn’t be — but not only was she one of the few people who was actually decent to him, but she was just an all-around _good_ person. If Steve was any other guy, he’d probably be at least a little bit in love with her. But he knew who she was and who he was, so he stuck to his envy of her normalcy.

Steve tried to go to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes he just saw himself before he knew who he was. But he was different. Instead of pigtails and an innocent smile, he had curves and long blonde hair swept away from his face. Maybe the one benefit of being so sickly and poor was that he was too malnourished to have those curves. But tomorrow anything could happen. He gripped his pillow tight under his head and willed himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another note: I really wish I could write something where Steve didn’t have the world’s most convenient chest but he has to pass before binders and ace bandages (don’t bind with ace bandages kids). My thought is he was malnourished and sickly enough that he didn’t properly develop which the internet tells me is a thing that can happen. So his chest is larger than the average guy his size, but he never actually probably would’ve even gotten to the point where he’d have to take off his shirt in the exam. Like they would just look at all of his chronic conditions and be like nah. I can’t find anything about what would happen if you were medically disqualified for something you told them about that would’ve been immediately apparent (like asthma and etc Steve has) so I’m just taking #creativeLicense
> 
> PLZ comment/give kudos


	2. Chapter 2: What Makes a Man?

Envy turns out to be the right feeling to have about Peggy Carter. When they’re sitting in the car the next day, on their way to where the procedure will taking place, Steve is reminded yet again of how superior Peggy is to him.

He’s, for God knows what reason, pointing out all the places he’s been beat up they pass along the way when Peggy asks him why he didn’t just run away from the fights. He has to think about it for a second. Bucky never asked him — he just seemed to know — and no one else seemed to care enough to ask. He decides that he didn’t have anything against running away from these fights, it’s like he tells Peggy, he has to keep on pushing back, they can’t stop him forever, small and weak as he is.

“I know a little of what it’s like, To have every door shut in your face,” she says. She probably thinks she’s helping, but he somehow feels even more ashamed to be the one person picked for this serum when there are so many more qualified candidates — like Peggy — that don’t have the chance to ruin the entire project if the serum works too well.

“I guess I just don't why you'd wanna join the army if you're a beautiful dame. Or a beautiful...a woman. An agent, not a dame! You are beautiful, but…”

He’s lying. He does know. If he didn’t know he wasn’t a woman, he’d’ve been right alongside her. But she can’t know his secret, so he lies.

He doesn’t tell her that he actually does know how to talk to women. He doesn't tell her he was trained for years in the art of  _being_ a woman. Just once he knew he was a guy, there wasn’t a woman who would give him the time of day, especially not with Bucky next to him. And with the way he was, there was little to no chance he’d ever find someone who’d want to be with him. But he was fine with that; he’d made his peace with it long ago.

Steve follows Peggy into the store when they arrive, and continues as she leads him to the back of the shop behind the almost painfully cliche but still impressive fake doors that hide the laboratory. When they step into the lab, all the men in white coats go silent and look up at him. He can feel the weight of their hope on his shoulders as he looks down at all that has gone into this project already, all the people who have been working on this for years, only to chance wasting it all on him.

He looks to Peggy for guidance, but, finding only a sympathetic gaze, heads down the stairs to find Erskine. Erskine greeted him, and Steve is momentarily blinded by a camera flash.

"You ready?"

Steve nods, but he's not. He hates lying; he wishes he didn't have to do it all the time.

"Good. Take off your shirt, your tie, and your hat."

He hesitates. He's not comfortable being any kind of naked around anyone so he fumbles with his hat as he hands it to the orderly. He takes off his shirt turning his back no one can see his chest. Hopefully, he thinks, they'll be too focused on how small and weak he is to even think about it.

He climbs into the machine, wondering if he'll recognize himself when he comes out and if he doesn't if he'll hate what he's become. He lies in the machine, listening to the bustle of people getting the procedure ready. He sees Howard Stark and privately hopes this will work better than the flying car prototype he saw with Bucky. _Bucky_. God, he misses his friend. Who knows if Bucky'll even recognize him after this.

Steve exchanges a final, hopeful look with Peggy as she heads up the stairs to the observation room.

~~~

Going through the transformation is possibly the most painful thing that’s ever happened to Steve. Even so, when he yells for them not to let him out until it’s done, he remembers to pitch his voice lower, even if he’s slightly disappointed he still has to.

When it’s all over, Erskine helps him out of the tube. No one’s screaming; so it must have worked. Steve looks down, expecting to see either a mass of muscle or a pair of boobs. And while there’s muscle there he’s now on par with the other guys who were vying for the serum. The Colonel was going to be disappointed, but what was new. Thankfully, there are no more boobs than there were before and... it looks like his bigger muscles are making them somehow look smaller. He’d take it. He didn’t magically grow a penis or anything but, for the first time, Steve could look down at his bare chest without hating it, and that was a win, even if nothing else today worked out.

And it didn’t seem like anything else would. Not two minutes after he had stepped out of the pod chaos ensued. There was an explosion in the observation room, and gunshots and the suddenly Erskine was lying on the ground and Peggy was shooting up the stairs at the man responsible. Steve rushed over to Erskine, kneeling over him. Erskine weakly poked him in the chest, as if to say, “Remember who you are; it’s all up to you now.”

Steve took a breath and focused himself on his new task. He took off running up the stairs, out of the laboratory, past the nice old lady who had died with a machine gun in her arms, and out the door. Just in time to pull Peggy out of the way of the car that was heading straight for her.

“I had him!”

“Sorry!”

And he was, really. But instinct kicked in, and, for the first time, he was able to save the person that needed saving. He took off running past the car. He thought for a second about the fact that he probably looked ridiculous in bare feet and too short pants but quickly brushed the thought out of his mind. He was using all the secrets he knew about Brooklyn to his advantage and running as fast as he could, so if he accidentally ruined the display of a bridal store when he underestimated his weight as he goes around a corner, he thinks he’ll be able to keep up. And for the first time in his life, he can.

He managed to jump on the roofs of cars, playing some giant, possibly fatal, moving, version of the "the floor is lava" game he and Bucky used to play when they were kids. He finally landed on the car he was following, and the man inside starts swerving the car, trying to shake him off. He tried shooting at him, but somehow Steve stayed on. Until he didn't but it didn't matter because a second later they were toppling, wheels-over-roof, as it were.

The man started shooting at Steve, thankfully, instead of the crowd of people behind him. Steve picked up the car door, which must have fallen off, and uses it as a shield. It always felt more natural to him to use a shield instead of any kind of weapon. The man shot at him a few more times and then, to Steve's horror, grabbed a kid from the crowd and hauled him off. Steve followed, careful to stay at enough of a distance so he could easily take cover when shot at.

As Steve came around the corner, the man pointed his gun at the kid's head.

"Wait don't! — Don't!"

The man pointed the gun at Steve and it clicked empty. He picked up the kid and, despite Steve's useless, automatic, protests, threw him into the river. Steve rushed to the edge, ready to jump in. But to his surprise, the kid was treading water.

"Go get him! I can swim."

Gratefully, Steve continued down the pier, where he saw a weird submarine-looking thing. That must be where the man went. It was sinking down further into the water, so he did the only thing he could — he jumped in after it.

The only kind of exercise you can do when you're 90 pounds and, among other things, asthmatic is swimming, so Steve was a pretty good swimmer, even before the serum. He dove in and started swimming as fast as he can to find the submarine. He found it without too much trouble — there wasn't much else going on in the water — and broke through the glass so he could pull the man out. Steve unceremoniously threw him onto the concrete as he hauled himself out of the water

The man took a wild swing at him, which Steve easily dodged. He kicked the man to the floor, before roughly pulling him up by the front of his shirt.

"Who the hell are you?"

"The first of many. Cut off one head," he broke what must've been a cyanide tooth, "two more shall take its place." He was frothing at the mouth. "Hail Hydra."

As he died, Steve loosened his grip on the front of the man's shirt, slowly putting him down. As he did so, he suddenly remembered all that has changed about his body. He looked down at himself, at everything that was different now and wondered if this meant everything would be better now. He hoped it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember to comment and give kudos it makes my heart sing


	3. Chapter 3: The Breaking Point

Apparently, nothing was going to be getting better anytime soon. Apparently, all Steve was good for now was being pricked with needles. When they decided they had enough blood, so they could hopefully replicate the process Erskine had developed, he wasn’t going to be allowed to serve. Apparently only having one super-soldier instead of an army of them somehow made him obsolete? It had been clear from the beginning that the colonel didn’t like him, but Steve didn’t know he would go as far as to actively stop him from serving while he was a freaking super-soldier.

But he didn’t have anyone on his side anymore. There was no more Erskine to fight for him, and he couldn’t ask Peggy to help him — she had to fight her own battles and he didn’t want to sabotage her future by asking her to fight for him.

So when he was offered an opportunity to help, even only in a small way, he took it. Being “Captain America” was not anything he wanted, but he could see the substantial difference he made, even if the work he was doing wasn’t rewarding in and of itself.

Steve kept on doing the shows, feeling more and more like a puppet, or, as he so often drew, a circus monkey. The good that he was doing was starting to lose its appeal and worth as the war dragged on. Here he was, pretending to punch Adolf Hitler in the face when there were men laying down their lives every day. When he actually performed for the soldiers, it got worse. He could see how completely unimpressed they were, how exhausted they were from fighting every day. He could see them asking themselves why he wasn’t helping them fight, and seeing that made it harder to answer that question for himself.

The final straw was broken when, one seemingly unimportant day, he learned he had performed for the 107th infantry. His dad’s old division. Bucky’s division. God, he missed Bucky. They’d never been apart this long when they were kids. They’d hardly been apart for over a week most of the time. He thinks the longest they had ever spent apart before was when Bucky’s family had gone to the beach for a month one summer. It had also, not so conveniently for Steve been only a week after Bucky had learned the truth about him. It had been stressful, thinking he lost Bucky as a friend, but it was nothing compared to the constant worry of Bucky dying that he was going through now.

Bucky had been there for him like no one had ever been before — and probably ever will, Steve thinks to himself grimly. Not only did Bucky accept Steve’s secret, but Steve was comfortable around him in a way he wasn't around anyone else. When they were alone, he didn’t feel he needed to hide himself as much. He could let himself get more excited about things without worrying if his voice went higher than he wanted. He was even shirtless around Bucky a couple times. That had been one of the most nerve-wracking parts of trying to join the army — with one look they could see that he didn’t belong. But miraculously no one suspected that a girl would try to join the army, and much less allow herself to be shirtless to let it happen. Bucky was the only one alive in the world who knew his secret now. Throughout the years Steve had always been able to talk about it with Bucky, and he was able to confide a bit in Erskine, but for the past few months, he felt more alone than he ever had before. If Peggy had shown up earlier on the tour, he might’ve even ended up telling her.

So when Peggy told him he had performed for “what was left of the 107th,” he knew he needed to find Bucky. Somehow he always thought he’d be able to feel it in his soul when Bucky died, and he hadn’t felt anything. He jumped to his feet, ignoring the rain, and sprinted to Colonel Phillips’s tent, slowing to a walk as he arrived.

“Sir, I need the casualty list from the Azano.”

“You don’t get to give me orders, son.”

Why did Colonel Phillips choose to be difficult right now?

“I just need one name. Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th.”

“You and I,” the colonel said, pointing at Peggy, “are gonna have a conversation later that you won’t enjoy.”

Why wouldn’t he help? It was no effort to him at all, but to spite Steve, he wasn’t willing to do this.

“Please tell me if he’s alive, sir. B-A-R—”

“I can spell.”

Thank God this wasn't going to be one of the times the Colonel used his petty hatred of Steve to torture him.

“I have signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I'm sorry.”

He was wrong. Steve would’ve felt something; he was sure of it. Bucky had to still be alive, regardless of what the Colonel thought.

“What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission?”

“Yeah. It's called winning the war.”

“But if you know where they are, why not at least —?”

“They're thirty miles behind the lines. Through the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We'd lose more men than we'd save. But I don't expect you to understand that because you're a chorus girl.”

The remark stung, more than the colonel thought it would.

“I think I understand just fine,” Steve said, biting back his anger.

“Well then understand it somewhere else. If I read the posters correctly, you got some place to be in thirty minutes.”

Steve agrees, a plan already forming in his head.

~~~

Okay, so it’s not much of a plan, but it’s not like Steve’s ever done this before. He really was ready to walk to Austria to get Bucky back, but thanks to Peggy and Stark, it looks like he won’t have to.

Not that jumping out of a plane is that much safer, but it gets the job done.

He lands decently near the base and is able to figure out where it is pretty easily. It’s the only thing creating that much light and sound for miles. Thankfully, there were some vans approaching the base only a few moments after he found it. He ran toward them, thinking to himself that he was going to be thanking Dr. Erskine all night.

He jumps in the van, startling the two HYDRA soldiers inside.

“Fellas,” he says, unable to not be a smartass.

The agents don’t laugh; instead, they punch him — or rather, try to. They land a couple blows, but Steve has them unconscious and unceremoniously dumped out the back before they can do any damage that he wouldn’t have healed from by the time he left the van. The van passes the gate, and Steve lets out a sigh of relief — the first part is done.

There are three parts to Steve’s plan: get in the base, find Buck and get the hell out. At this point he’s not that concerned with the details; he just knows he needs to find Bucky.

He found Bucky in what he decided was the worst possible place — weak and strapped to a table. Steve rips the restraints off. “Hey, it’s me,” he said, pulling Bucky up. God, he’s so damn happy Bucky’s alive.

“Steve.”

“I thought you were dead.”

“I thought you were smaller.”

Well at least he’s still Bucky, Steve thinks, a grin forming on his face. But it can’t last. He catches a glimpse of a map on the wall and does his best to quickly commit it to memory all the while supporting Bucky.

“What happened to you?”

“I joined the Army,” he said. He’d tell Bucky the full story when they got to safety. He’d wait until no one was around so he could really get excited and not have to worry about pitching his voice down. Well, that was assuming they got to safety. It was looking to be considerably harder now that the entire building was exploding around them.

But somehow Steve and Bucky got out because that was what Steve and Bucky did. But because they were Steve and Bucky, the transponder Stark gave him was destroyed. Y’know, because that was what they did.

The other freed prisoners couldn’t believe their luck, neither the bad nor the good. But Steve had earned their respect now, and, once the joking comments about the Captain America costume died down Steve started to lead them home.

It was a long walk back to the base, so they made camp as soon as they felt they were safe from German forces investigating the HYDRA base. Both Steve and Bucky tried to take lookout shifts, but none of the men would hear of it. To hear them tell it, Bucky’d not only taken the spot of a wounded man to go to the medical center, but he’d lasted longer than anyone they knew of. And well, Steve had just broken them all out of prison, so nothing either of them did could convince them to let them take a shift.

So they settled in for the night, sharing a blanket as they so often had in Brooklyn. Steve was just starting to drift off when he heard Bucky’s voice in his ear, just barely a whisper.

“Hey, punk.”

“Yeah, Buck?”

“You’re gonna tell me everything tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steve all but sighed back. It was good to be home again. Even Brooklyn hadn’t felt totally like home with Bucky gone, but here with Bucky’s warm presence at his back, Steve felt himself relax for the first time since Bucky shipped out.


	4. Chapter 4: Where the Heart Is

Steve tries to peel off from the group with Bucky that morning. And he thinks he's succeeded when —

“Hey, Cap!”

Steve’s head jerks up. He’s still not used to being called by his rank in anything other than a mocking tone.

“Cap, c’mon! You gotta meet the boys!”

Steve looks apologetically at Bucky, “Sorry, Buck. But I —”

“No, go for it, Cap. You gotta meet the boys.”

There’s a sting in his voice that Steve isn’t used to.

He starts to pick up the pace, moving to rejoin the group.

“Oi, Sarge! What the hell you think you’re doing?”

Bucky smirks, “Just enjoying the fresh air. Y’know Austria’s really pretty this time of year.”

“Hurry your ass up! The both of you! Ain’t you supposed to be a super soldier or some shit?”

Steve turns to Bucky, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Race you?”

“You got it, punk.”

“Jerk.”

And like that, they’re off. For the first time in their lives, they were almost evenly matched, trying to trip and catch the other the whole way. If they hadn’t been acting like the absolute children they were, Steve would’ve won by a mile. Both he and Bucky knew that, but they didn’t care.

They arrive, panting and a little muddy at the front of the group of rescued prisoners.

“Hey Sarge, you gonna introduce us to your friend?”

“Sorry, fellas. This is Steve. Steve Rogers. We were kids together; he’s my best guy. I don’t know ‘bout that super soldier shit though; he’s a bit of a punk.”

“Thanks, Buck. Jerk.” Steve tries not to think about how warm it made him feel when Bucky called him his best guy.

A man, with a rather impressive mustache and a hat that Steve was pretty sure wasn’t regulation, stuck out his hand to shake, “Boys call me Dum-Dum” and Steve took it.

In quick succession, Steve gets introduced to the rest of their little group, Gabe Jones, and Jacques Denier, who spent most of their time speaking in rapid fire French, Jim Morita, and an English guy they called Monty. This group had been together in the base and had led the push for escape while Steve found Bucky.

After a couple hours, though, Steve is starting to feel a little overwhelmed. For so many years he had been completely sidelined whenever he and Bucky had hung out with other guys, and this newfound attention, while not bad was starting to get to him. He jostles his shoulder against Bucky’s.

“You good?” Bucky asks, quietly enough that only they could hear.

“It’s just a little… much.” Steve gestures uselessly.

“You’ll be good until night?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Buck.”

Bucky keeps on checking in every hour or so. It wasn’t always with words, sometimes he would just catch Steve’s eyes and he would nod back. It keeps him grounded, keeps him present.

Steve doesn’t know how to act in a big group of guys. He doesn’t know what he was supposed to do. He’s decently sure they wouldn’t guess his secret but that didn’t mean he had any idea what to say. He decides to mostly watch, laughing at the appropriate times and throwing in a quip or two.

Eventually, it grows dark and they’re all exhausted, so they make camp for the night. By Bucky’s reckoning, they’re just one day’s march from where the 107th was stationed.

~~~

Bucky and Steve are huddled around the fire, legs under the same blanket they shared the night before. Until not too long ago, there had been a big group around them, talking and complaining about how hungry everyone was. But one by one they had gone off to bed, and now it was just Bucky and Steve. Just like it always ended up.

“So, Steve, what happened to you?”

“Like I said. I joined the Army.”

Bucky laughs and shoves Steve affectionately, “No, man, what really happened?”

In hushed tones, Steve explains it all, from telling Erskine his secret to Peggy, who he could’ve been if he wasn’t all wrong inside — “Naw, Stevie! You can’t believe that. You can’t!” — to the serum, to becoming Captain America to sell bonds.

“But how’d you get from dancing with showgirls to breakin’ me out of a HYDRA base?”

“Well by that point I was goin’ through the motions. Especially when we were performing for troops I just couldn’t justify to myself not fighting, not bein’ on the front line. And when the Colonel told me it was the 107th, I had to find you. And when the Colonel told me you were gone I still had to find you. Y’know I was about to walk to goddamn Austria ‘til Peggy Carter arranged a lift for me?”

Bucky shakes his head in disbelief, “You’re a real dumbass you know that?”

“Jerk.”

“Punk.”

“Hey, Buck?”

“Yeah?”

It’s becoming apparent that they were going to fall asleep there in front of the fire, legs tangled together under the blanket. Steve steels himself for a moment, then says what he’s wanted to ask Bucky since he found him.

“What’d they do to you? On that table?”

Bucky stiffens a bit beside him. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay,” Steve says. “I’ll be here when you’re ready, okay?”

“Okay, pal.”

Steve turns and lays his head on Bucky’s chest, the same way he’s done since they were kids. But today Bucky stiffens. Steve stays, though, and before long Bucky relaxes and his breathing starts to even out.

Steve’s still awake, watching the dying embers of the fire when Bucky starts to gently snore. Steve wishes he could calmly go to sleep; he knows he’ll be in for a world of trouble with the Colonel when they arrived at the base. But for now, he just leans into Bucky’s warmth and closes his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took me a while I'm on a crazy schedule for my internship bc ~theater~ so expect at most 1 chapter every 2 weeks
> 
> comments and kudos make grin uncontrollably <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don’t know why they inexplicably go to london to form a squad and have steve not accept a medal of valour but they’re doing it anyway bc if nothing else they need to pick up the shield from stark’s lab. UGH

As they near the camp, for the last mile or so, the men push Steve and Bucky to the front of the pack, with Steve leading them and Bucky at his side.

Steve surrenders himself to the Colonel knowing there was only one thing he could do in so public a setting. Peggy walks over to him, completely ignoring not only Colonel Phillips but also the other men around Steve.

“You’re late,” she says, a smille tugging at her lips. 

“Couldn’t call my ride.”

Peggy looked into Steve’s eyes — they were almost nose to nose — and Steve feels something, something he’s never felt with a girl before.

“Hey!” he ignores Bucky, “Let’s give it up for Captain America!”

Steve reluctantly lifts his eyes from Peggy’s, looking around at the men he’d saved. They were all cheering for him, but who knows how long that'll last. He knew this couldn’t last — there was no way he’d make it through the war with nobody finding out his secret. He wasn’t like them, and it wouldn’t be long before they found out.

Once all of the excitement from their return died down and he had debriefed with the Colonel, Steve retreated to his tent to pack up his things to join the Allied forces in London.

He’s putting the last couple of things in his pack when Peggy walks in.

“It really was quite remarkable what you did, you know?”

“They keep tellin’ me that. It was actually kinda selfish if ya think about it.”

“How do you mean?”

“I didn’t go in looking to save everyone. I was just a kid looking for his best friend. And now everyone thinks I’m Captain America — that I’m everything I pretended to be.”

“I think you might be closer to Captain America than you think.”

Steve suddenly realizes how close Peggy is, feels her breath on his skin. He looks down at her lips, noticing her lipstick.

“I’m really not,” Steve backs up to the bed, sitting down. “I’m just a dumb kid from Brooklyn too stubborn to know when to back down from a fight.”

“And who’s to say that that kid can’t be Captain America? There’s so much good in you Steve, Abraham saw it, I see it, even the Colonel sees it, though he’d never admit it. Your friend, Bucky, he sees it. And I guarantee when he looks at you he doesn’t see Captain America. But that doesn’t change the respect he has for you. That we all have now — you’ve earned it. You may not like it, but you’re Captain America now.”

Steve buries his head in his hands, and when he looks up Peggy has disappeared.

~~~

They arrive in London and, after Steve shows the Colonel where the HYDRA bases he saw on the map are, he’s given the opportunity to get a team together to bring them all down.

He knows that the men from the camp aren’t the most obvious choice, but they respect him already and he knows they work as a team. He’s also not that ready to trust the Colonel’s judgment — while the men he had recommended for the serum were definitely more physically capable, most of them were downright assholes and he doubted he'd have any better luck this time around.

It takes remarkably little convincing to get the whole squad signed on — they all could've gone home heroes, but somehow, somewhere along the line, they started to believe in “Captain America” and now they're along for the ride. Steve's not sure how he feels about it. He sure as hell doesn't feel like a hero.

He lets himself get lost in his misery for a few moments at the bar when he sees Bucky.

“So," he says, “you ready to follow Captain America into the jaw of death?”

“Hell, no,” Bucky replies, and Steve's heart sinks a little. He doesn't know what he expected. Bucky had been tortured by HYDRA. Tortured. Why the hell would he want to do anything but go home? Fuck. Steve should've asked him first. He didn't know if he could do it without Bucky. The only reason anyone believed in “Captain America” at all was because of Bucky.  

Bucky’s voice pulls him out of his panic spiral.

“That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight — I’m following him.”

Steve smiles, wondering how Bucky always knows the exact right thing to say.

“But you're keeping the outfit, right?”

He hadn’t been planning on it. Not until this moment. He didn’t think he could be Captain America. He didn't think he could stand the pressure. But knowing Buck would be beside him and everything was still the same between them he chuckled and said, “It's growing on me.”

They stayed at the bar late into the night. Even though Steve couldn't actually get drunk anymore, he knew there was nothing more important in a squad than trust. And while they already had quite a bit built up from their collective near-death experience, they'd need to know each other like brothers if they were going to be able to take down HYDRA.

But no matter how close they got, Steve knew he couldn't ever tell any of them his secret. They wouldn't understand. And even if they did, they were here to follow Captain America, not some girl who wanted so badly to be a boy she lied to herself and everyone she knew.

Steve laughs along with the guys at some joke Gabe made, but it feels hollow somehow. He knows there will always be this distance between him and everyone he knows. But he smiles anyway. Because he's Captain Goddamn America.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for my superlong hiatus apparently school is hard or something  
> gonna try and post/write more throughout this quarter
> 
> comments/kudos are everything <3


	6. Chapter 6: The Veil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this was a long break! Haven't had time to work at all (I accidentally designed 4 shows in a row and was in tech for about 3 months which was a Choice)  
> Felt the writing bug today and made the ill-advised choice of finishing this chapter at 1am  
> As always, comments and kudos give me life

The other guys seem to understand pretty quick that only Bucky will ever be really, properly close to Steve. He tries, he really does. He spends time with them, cracks jokes off-duty, does everything a good captain should do with his squad. But there’s always this veil separating them, and Steve doesn’t know how to break through.

That’s a lie. Bucky is how he breaks through. When Steve’s with Bucky, he’s able to  _ forget _ . He’s able to be an idiot, he’s able to be a friend. When he’s with Bucky he just has to be a person.

Most nights, if they’re not on a mission, he and Bucky will break off from the squad a little after dinner. They’ll find somewhere, a well-lit room for Steve to draw, a open field for Bucky to look at the stars, and just be. They’re nothing special. Bucky’s not the best sniper in the US Army. And Steve, Steve’s not Captain fucking America. They’re just two kids from Brooklyn.

Steve finds himself missing Peggy. Sometimes they do missions with her. Steve loves those missions, not only because Peggy is brilliant but also for the moments that seem to find them every time. They stand too close, their gazes linger too long, and he feels that feeling again. 

Despite them being maybe the only two people alive that Steve cares about, Bucky and Peggy don’t get along. Well, Bucky doesn’t get along with Peggy. Maybe he just can’t get over her rejecting him. Whatever it is, Steve doesn’t like it. He wants to tell Bucky what he thinks he might be feeling for Peggy, but there’s no way he’s gonna tell Bucky about a dame for the first time if Bucky can’t stand her. 

They’re somewhere in France, looking up at the stars in comfortable silence, when Bucky, out of the blue, says, “Hey, Stevie?”

“Yeah, Buck?”

“What are we gonna do when this whole mess is over?”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“We’re different Stevie. We’re not who we were.”

“The whole world is different now, Buck.”

“‘Snot what I mean. It’s different for us. Everyone else, they only have to deal with the same world we had before. It’s worse, obviously, but it hasn’t really changed. But we’ve got HYDRA and Schmidt and…” Bucky trailed off.

“And me, ” Steve said hollowly, feeling like all the air had been pushed out of his lungs.

Tears were springing to Steve’s eyes. Goddamnit, goddamnit, he was better than this. He wouldn’t cry. Not now, not in front of Bucky. Steve looked up at the stars, hoping to keep Bucky from seeing the tears that were pooling, despite his best efforts. 

“Steve I didn’t mean—”

“No, you did Buck. But it’s okay; you’re right anyways.”

Steve turned away from Bucky, curling into a ball, tears starting to stream down his face. He felt a hand on his back but shook it off. He didn’t want to talk about this. Not yet. Maybe not ever. He took the first watch that night, watching the stars alone. 

~~~

They don’t really talk about the future after that. They don’t talk about anything serious. They’re still best friends. They still crack jokes; they still have each others’ backs. But there’s something between them and Steve has never felt so alone. He feels like he’s watching himself from a distance. He can’t let his squad know. Not that he’s hurting, not that he’s lonely, and definitely not his secret. 

He sees Bucky watching him from a distance sometimes, catches him in a moment where he’s supposed to be laughing with the squad, just watching him, always with this sad, broken look on his face. 

Now that he can’t hide behind Bucky anymore, Steve is finally getting to know the squad. He learns that Dum-Dum used to be in the circus, that Morita has a son back home. The more he learns about them, the better they fight in the field. They’ve gone into so many “suicide missions” at this point Steve has to remind them not to grow cocky. His men tease stories out of him about growing up with Bucky and he indulges them, choosing his words carefully so he doesn’t slip. Bucky retorts with his own stories and for a few moments, they’re normal again. And then Bucky stammers over a pronoun, too drunk to be telling this old of a story. When he finds the courage to meet Steve’s eyes again, there’s that same sadness and the night is somehow ruined.

Steve finds himself distancing himself from the squad during the day, preferring to let Bucky have a normal life not clouded by Steve. He can’t tell if Bucky is more distant on those days or if he just doesn’t have anything to distract him from seeing the sadness in his eyes. Either way, Steve keeps on reminding himself, Bucky’s better off without him. 

When they go to little villages and surpass all expectation of how much seven men can drink, Steve knows he doesn’t have to make sure Bucky gets back to camp safe. He knows Bucky’s not getting back until morning, sneaking out of whatever blonde’s bedroom he had found himself in. He doesn’t know why, but he hates those girls. But he can’t show it, especially if he ever wants Bucky to like Peggy. But that would mean telling Bucky. Or Peggy. And that’s just. Well. 

Steve rolls over, trying to get comfortable. Trying to think about anything other than the slim blonde Bucky is undoubtedly fucking right now. He can imagine it; Bucky’s muscles rippling, her fingers grasping at his broad back as he fucked into her. He must fill her up so completely. And Bucky must be considerate. Not just a hand on her, but a mouth. Steve remembers the other girls talking about it at school. He must put his tongue inside her and — 

Steve felt himself getting wet. Great. As if he has to be reminded he will never be like Bucky. He ignores the warmth in his abdomen and wills himself to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7: The Heart Wants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been far far too long but I'm finally back! Who knows when I'll have time to write again but here's a new chapter feat. So Much Pining
> 
> comments/kudos make my heart sing <33

Peggy seemed to be on every single one of their missions lately. And if she wasn’t on the mission, Steve couldn’t get her out of his head. Now that he didn’t have Bucky he only had Peggy. He tried not to let her know, but it must’ve been obvious in how he perked up whenever she was around. And for every smile she brought to his face, she seemed to bring a scowl to Bucky’s. 

Steve knew he couldn’t expect Bucky to try and like her for him. But he should at least pretend when they work together. Shouldn’t he? He kept finding himself trying to tell Bucky that with his eyes, silently willing him  _ be nice _ . But Bucky either didn’t see or simply didn’t care. 

Instead of going to bars with his men, Steve started walking the streets with Peggy. It started with him walking her home one night, but soon they’re walking for hours just talking about nothing. It felt like nothing he’s felt before. He was thinking about making a move. He’d spent too much time on the other side of the equation to want to do anything other than move slowly. But he thinks she’s ready. He thinks he’s ready.

They were walking down the street, dusk settling over the village they’re in, when he finally found the courage. 

“Peggy.”

He stopped walking, and so did she, after a few steps. 

“There’s something I have to tell you. Something I’ve been too scared to say. But I think I can say it now.”

She looked at him expectantly. He was sure she knew what he was about to say. He was also sure she wouldn’t help him say it. 

“Peg…” He trailed off, looking away from her, unable to meet her eyes.

“Um. There’s someone in my life. I’ve never known anyone like them. They’re so strong and so vulnerable, so sweet and so brash, so goddamn incredible I barely know what to do when I’m around them. I’ve been trying for so long to let them know and I just can’t wait any longer.”

He turned back to Peggy, but this time she’s the one looking away. 

“I feel like I’ve always known them. And they’ve always known me. Gosh, Peg... I just feel normal around them. I can forget that I’m me. That I’m Captain America. That I’m  _ everything _ that I am. I’m just… Steve.”

He could see a single tear drip down her cheek but he chooses not to acknowledge it. 

“So Peg, what I’m trying to say is… Will you go dancing with me?”

“Of course I will, Steve.”

Her smile was so bright it was blinding him. He didn’t know what to do with his body. He was trying so desperately not to jump up and down like a little kid. 

“Took you long enough to ask.”

“Aw, Peg. There’s no need for that,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. 

When he arrived back at the camp, the only person he wanted to talk to was Bucky. But Bucky was nowhere to be found. 

~~~

They met the next night, not wanting to wait since they didn’t know when their next mission together would be. 

The Commandos had had the day off, waiting for orders from the Colonel before they went on to their next location. Bucky staggered home sometime close to sunrise. Steve tried to find a moment to talk to him. This was the first time there was a girl he actually cared about, who didn’t pity him, who wasn’t just using him to get to Bucky. Steve was busy all day, sending telegrams back and forth as they received the final details for their next mission. He finally got a break for dinner and immediately started looking for Bucky. He found him outside his tent, meticulously cleaning his gun, preparing to move on. 

“Hey Buck,” Steve says, but he barely looks up, moving the oiled rag over the pieces of broken-down rifle. 

“Um, so,” Steve shifts nervously, “I have a date.”

“Hey look at you! Going up in the world!”

Bucky stands to give Steve a one-harmed hug coupled with a slap on the back. Before the serum, a slap like that would’ve sent Steve reeling. Instead, he wraps an arm around Bucky and matches his force. 

“Who’s the lucky lady? Someone back in London?”

“It’s…” Steve found himself unable to say it. Just last night he had been so excited. 

“C’mon, spit it out.”

“It’s Peggy Carter. Er Agent Carter — er Peggy. Peggy.”

“Aw, Stevie, I’m so happy for you!” Bucky’s face broke out into a smile. If Steve was anyone else in the world, he wouldn’t notice how the smile didn’t quite meet Bucky’s eyes. Was he interested in Peggy? Is that why he never wanted to talk about her with Steve? 

They settle into idle prattle and Steve eventually drags Bucky over to where Joe has made dinner, making him promise not to tell the rest of the squad about the date. Bucky obliged, but that didn’t stop him from flashing eyes at Steve every time Peggy’s name came up. But no matter how many jokes Bucky made, Steve couldn’t get that look on Bucky’s face out of his head. 

~~~

It was still bothering him later that night when he met Peggy to go dancing, but he forced himself to put it out of his mind. There was a small dance hall in town, with a little band that played folk music and radio hits alike. It wasn’t anything lavish; it was sturdy and homey and warm. It felt right. 

Steve gets them a couple drinks. Even though he can’t get drunk he still likes to pretend sometimes, pretend he isn’t different. They sip their drinks, people-watch, and tell stories from home or of missions gone awry. Growing up with Bucky, Steve has no shortage of stories from their years as teenage misfits. Peggy chimes in with a few of her own and Steve learns more about her in that evening than he had learned in all the time they had spent together before. He learns about her older brother Michael and about their misadventures during their school days. She breezes over her days at Bletchley Park and how she got to where she is now but Steve gets the distinct impression she is far more impressive than she will ever let him know. 

Finally, the band plays something slow and soft and Steve offers his arm to Peggy to dance. She takes it, and they walk together to the dance floor. 


	8. Chapter 8: Asking Her to Dance

Steve’s hand is on Peggy’s waist. Her hand is in his hair, playing with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. They’re hardly even dancing, just rocking with the beat and holding each other.

Steve doesn’t let himself get close to people, emotionally or physically, and his body and soul singing. He lets himself lean into Peggy’s weight, letting her feel the shape of his body in a way that perhaps only Bucky and his mother have ever felt. He doesn’t think about the serum, even his body seems an afterthought in this bubble they’ve created for themselves.

He brushes the hair back from her face and she looks up at him. He’s never wanted to kiss anyone more in his life. He doesn’t know how she would feel if she did it. He can tell she wants it, but she also has a reputation to maintain and some of the men might’ve followed them in.

After what feels like hours, the song finally ends. He points his head towards the door as a question. She nods, and he leads her through the crowd already starting a more upbeat number.

They reach the door of the dance hall and he takes his hand in hers. They’re lit only by the light from inside the houses.

“So that’s what dancing’s all about. I guess I see what the big fuss is all about,” Steve says, and immediately regrets opening his mouth. Why did you say that? Steve, you idiot, she was going to kiss you. To kiss you.

To his surprise, she laughs, “Do you, now?”

Somehow, without Steve realizing, they’ve stopped walking. Peggy wraps her arms around his neck, fingers interlocking.

Steve wants to say something but can’t even form words. Just looking at Peggy, glowing in the moonlight mixed with the warm glow of the street, takes his breath away. She looks up at him and he slowly leans in, giving her the chance to stop him. She leans up into his mouth and it feels like it’s his first kiss all over again. She’s soft and pliant and warm and keeps pulling him closer. All of a sudden though, she pulls away.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not. I just don’t think the good people want to be seeing this right now.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

Steve looks around sheepishly, but the street is still deserted apart from a circle of men smoking outside the dance hall.

“I do have a private room.”

Steve hadn’t even considered. Hadn’t even thought that he would kiss Peggy tonight much less do more. He just stares at her dumbly for a moment until his brain finally returns to his body.

“Yes! Uh, yeah that would be nice.”

He had walked her back the other night, so he knew where he was going, but everything felt different now. He was excited, sure, but he was also panicked. He was going to have to tell her. He’d only ever told Dr. Erskine on purpose and he hadn’t had a choice. How was he going to do this? She was going to leave him. She was going to leave him and expose him to the world. Captain America, freak of nature! Only good to be stared at and mocked.

Before he knows it they’re at her room and she’s unlocking the door. She walks in and he just stands in the door frame for a moment, feet glued to the floor.

“Steve, if this is too much too quickly…”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just… I don’t know how to say this.”

“What is it, Steve?”

“I’m actually a girl. I mean I’m not. But people think I am?”

“I’m not sure I understand, Steve...”

He can’t make himself meet her eyes.

“When you were little, you always knew you were a girl. Everyone told you you were a girl and gave you dresses and dolls. But even without all of that, you knew you were a girl. When I was little I always knew I was a boy. But everyone told me I was a girl and gave me dresses and dolls. But even with all that, I knew I was a boy. But no one could see it. And I knew I couldn’t tell anyone. I knew I was a freak. When my breasts started to grow, I wrapped them in rags and bound them so tight I could hardly breathe. You could hardly see them, but just knowing they were there made me... One day, my mom found me in the bathroom, a pile of hair on the floor, scissors shaking in my hand as I cried. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Somehow she understood. She said she had always known but was afraid of what it would mean for me. She was there for me, her and Bucky were. I lied on my registration form but I didn’t even get far enough for them to figure out the truth. And now I’m rambling and I should stop… Peggy?

She had gone to sit on the bed while he was talking, and a curtain of hair had fallen from its pins, obscuring her face.

“So you’re a?”

“I’m a boy, Peggy. It just looks like I’m a girl.”

“I’m not sure that I completely understand, Steve. I have to be honest. But I don’t know that I ever will. I started to fall in love with you when you were nothing more than a stick with arms” — Steve chuckles at that — “and you’ve changed so much. But, Steve, I don’t think this changes anything.”

Steve’s breath caught in his throat and he could feel tears welling in his eyes.

“Do you really mean that?”

“Of course.”

She stands up and kisses him. And it’s the same as it was before, but somehow it’s completely different.

He kisses her back, for the first time ready to not hold anything back. She brushes her tongue across his lips and he parts them, allowing a moan to escape as he does so. She cautiously enters his mouth, exploring. He’s soft and yielding, and when he sucks on her tongue she makes a sound that he wants her to make a thousand times.

His hand is on her shoulder, thumb caressing her exposed collarbone. He blindly finds the buttons to free her from her dress.

“You’re better at that than most men.”

“I’ve had practice.”

She huffs a laugh into his mouth as she continues to work on the buttons of his shirt. All of a sudden the fear comes back. He doesn’t know if he’s ready for her to see him.

But she doesn’t seem to sense his hesitation. Or if she does, she doesn’t understand it.

All of a sudden his shirt is off and she can see his chest. And after the serum, you can’t tell unless you know. But she knows and his heart leaps to his chest and he can only let out his breath when she takes an appreciative look at him and goes back to kissing him, her hands roaming, exploring his body.

She helps him pull her dress off and then she’s in front of him in nothing but her underthings and he’s speechless again. Why would she want to be with him? Why would she stay with him after what he told her?

But then he can’t even think because she’s freed herself from her underclothes and she’s beautiful. Steve can’t keep himself from pushing her against the bed and sucking one pink nipple into his mouth. He grazes it with his teeth and Peggy moans and suddenly there’s a hand in his hair, egging him on. He looks up at her and she is beautiful. She can’t stay still as he works over her nipple with his tongue. All of a sudden, she pulls him back up to meet her mouth again and their chests are touching. He runs his fingers along her sides, eliciting a shiver.

He begins to work his way down her body, taking time at her pulse point, but being sure not to leave a mark. He takes time to mouth at her nipple, his left hand coming up to tease at the other. All too soon he finds himself between her legs, her hand twisted in his hair. He lets his tongue dart out, licking a line up the length of her pussy. He finds her sensitive nub quickly and puts everything he has into eliciting those little sounds from her, using his fingers inside her, taking cues from the grip of her hand in his hair and the beautiful, broken sounds she was making. Before he knows it, she’s coming and pulling his head up to meet hers and taste herself on his lips. She makes a move towards his underwear.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to, Steve,” she says, pulling down his boxers and suddenly he’s naked. He doesn’t remember the last time he was naked with another person was probably when he took baths with Bucky to save water. He always seemed so small next to Bucky; he wonders what it would be like now, if he could still fit between Bucky’s legs. Fuck, he shouldn’t be thinking about Bucky right now. He was in bed with a beautiful woman and he was thinking about his best friend. What was wrong with him?

She’s working her way down his body, mimicking his path on her and he grips the sheet underneath him, needing something to hold on to. When she gets between his legs, she seems to hesitate for a moment but dives in. He’s never come in front of another person, not that he’s had the opportunity before and he just can’t get out of his own head enough for it to happen. Eventually, he decides it’s been too long and gives up. He doesn’t tell her though; it’s not about her and he’s more satisfied and sated than he’s been in a long while.

He stays the night in Peggy’s bed, their legs intertwined. She’s in front of him, using one of his warm arms as a pillow while the other is wrapped around her waist. It takes him forever to get comfortable; he’s always been in her spot whenever he and Bucky shared a bed. He misses it for a moment, but pushes the thought out of his head and forces himself to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine Steve’s chest post serum to look something like Ty Turner’s chest. Pic: https://goo.gl/images/bcRDBh
> 
> comments and kudos are everything <33


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